Generation X Is Sick of Your Bullshit

Earlier generations have weathered recessions, of course; this stall we’re in has the look of something nastier. Social Security and Medicare are going to be diminished, at best. Hours worked are up even as hiring staggers along: Blood from a stone looks to be the normal order of things “going forward,” to borrow the business-speak. Economists are warning that even when the economy recuperates, full employment will be lower and growth will be slower-a sad little rhyme that adds up to something decidedly ­unpoetic. A majority of Americans say, for the first time ever, that this generation will not be better off than its parents.

—New York Magazine

Generation X is sick of your bullshit.

The first generation to do worse than its parents? Please. Been there. Generation X was told that so many times that it can’t even read those words without hearing Winona Ryder’s voice in its heads. Or maybe it’s Ethan Hawke’s. Possibly Bridget Fonda’s. Generation X is getting older, and can’t remember those movies so well anymore. In retrospect, maybe they weren’t very good to begin with.

But Generation X is tired of your sense of entitlement. Generation X also graduated during a recession. It had even shittier jobs, and actually had to pay for its own music. (At least, when music mattered most to it.) Generation X is used to being fucked over. It lost its meager savings in the dot-com bust. Then came George Bush, and 9/11, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Generation X bore the brunt of all that. And then came the housing crisis.

Generation X wasn’t surprised. Generation X kind of expected it.

Generation X is a journeyman. It didn’t invent hip hop, or punk rock, or even electronica (it’s pretty sure those dudes in Kraftwerk are boomers) but it perfected all of them, and made them its own. It didn’t invent the Web, but it largely built the damn thing. Generation X gave you Google and Twitter and blogging; Run DMC and Radiohead and Nirvana and Notorious B.I.G. Not that it gets any credit.

But that’s okay. Generation X is used to being ignored, stuffed between two much larger, much more vocal, demographics. But whatever! Generation X is self-sufficient. It was a latchkey child. Its parents were too busy fulfilling their own personal ambitions to notice any of its trophies-which were admittedly few and far between because they were only awarded for victories, not participation.

In fairness, Generation X could use a better spokesperson. Barack Obama is just a little too senior to count among its own, and it has debts older than Mark Zuckerberg. Generation X hasn’t had a real voice since Kurt Cobain blew his brains out, Tupac was murdered, Jeff Mangum went crazy, David Foster Wallace hung himself, Jeff Buckley drowned, River Phoenix overdosed, Elliott Smith stabbed himself (twice) in the heart, Axl got fat.

Generation X is beyond all that bullshit now. It quit smoking and doing coke a long time ago. It has blood pressure issues and is heavier than it would like to be. It might still take some ecstasy, if it knew where to get some. But probably not. Generation X has to be up really early tomorrow morning.

Generation X is tired.

It’s a parent now, and there’s always so damn much to do. Generation X wishes it had better health insurance and a deeper savings account. It wonders where its 30s went. It wonders if it still has time to catch up.

Right now, Generation X just wants a beer and to be left alone. It just wants to sit here quietly and think for a minute. Can you just do that, okay? It knows that you are so very special and so very numerous, but can you just leave it alone? Just for a little bit? Just long enough to sneak one last fucking cigarette? No?

Whatever. It’s cool.

Generation X is used to disappointments. Generation X knows you didn’t even read the whole thing. It doesn’t want or expect your reblogs; it picked the wrong platform.

Generation X should have posted this to LiveJournal.

Republished from Mat Honan’s tumblr.

Just the Facts, Ma’am!

According to the news, Niagara Falls PC candidate George Lepp had a picture of his privates posted to his twitter account. My first impression upon reading the stories are disbelief followed by an inability to stop giggling.

Some days I love the media.

The Accidental Tourist

The Toronto Sun first stated the photo was “accidentally” taken while the blackberry was in camera mode inside Lepp’s front pocket.

Sakach said the device was operating on camera mode in his front pant pocket when it went missing. He added that Lepp suspects it was taken as he was jostled by protesters outside the Dixon Rd. convention centre where the Tories met for the party’s weekend convention.
~ The Toronto Sun

The humour comes when you consider exactly how someone could “accidentally” take a picture of their genitals from their front pocket.

In order to accomplish this masterful, yet physically awkward feat, the person would have to:

1. Have a big enough hole in their front pocket to allow for the camera portion of the blackberry to fall exactly into an open space
2. Be going commando
3. Reach into their pocket and pull the camera back far enough to take the photo, and
4. Be far enough away from everyone and anyone so as not to look awkward standing with their hand in their pocket while yanking their pants a foot away from their crotch area and muffling the audible click of the camera and the brightness of the flash.

Now consider the photo itself: a man naked from the waist down showing a close up of his penis and crossed legs.

Perhaps I’m missing a major disconnection in logic here, but wouldn’t it be a bit difficult to “accidentally” capture this particular composition of naked parts and legs if the camera is in someone’s front pocket? Especially when you take into account the fact that the man was still supposed to be wearing his pants at the time this occurred?

That’s what I thought.

Yet apparently our media representatives thought the facts solid enough to run with the story.

Of course this prompted OTHER newspapers to pick up on the sordid tale, but they did so by quoting the original newspaper as a valid source. I guess stealing from the competition counts as valid research these days.

Because Twitter Says So

I would also like to give a big online ‘high five’ to the Canadian media giants for once again going crazy at the mention of something happening to someone on Twitter. A mere hint of a person doing anything remotely inappropriate on the social networking ap sends the media into a frenzy of badly researched articles and incorrect facts just so they can slap the word “Twitter” on the front page.

The following headlines appeared in some of our top newspapers, including the Toronto Star and the Globe and Mail:

• Lewd picture on Twitter not of Tory candidate, aide says
• PC candidate’s privates appear on Twitter
• Ontario Tories deny candidate sent porn Tweet

Where it began

For me, the real story is the fact that a PC candidate had an unlocked blackberry. After all, as every college student will tell you – never leave your phone unlocked because you never know which one of your dimwitted friends is going to take a picture of their privates and post it to your twitter account.

Perhaps this is a lesson which needs to be passed on to our political candidates.

Next time use a password.

~